angsty day

Hi Minna-chan...

I've been feeling bored (empty) since friday... not sure why.... It usually happens on weekends though... that's why I changed the blog format. I like this one better. I also changed my blog title. I think I'm slightly depressed because I've really got nothing to do and no one else is home ( although I'm actually happy about that....) . I really don't care if anyone else is home I just wish I could go somewhere... I feel trapped and I want to do something but can't. Like I'm tired but can't sleep.... and there's nothing on TV to watch (there never is on weekends), I don't live near any of my friends and even if I did I can't go out without asking for "permission" first and even if I did ask my mom would still say no, because she seems to think I can't take care of myself. Damn her... Sorry if I'm boring you minna-chan but today's been a pretty sucky day and I feel like telling someone and that unfortunate person just happened to be you....(sigh) I'm really selfish, you know? I shouldn't be pitying myself just because I have no life and barely any friends, there are people with worse problems and here I am only talking about ME ME ME( but I can't help "those other people" and I don't really want to help them because I don't know them and don't even know if they deserve help... ),..... I hate myself sometimes...
Sorry for the (stupid) angst. Even though on friday I wasn't feeling that great after school ( because I knew it was going to be a lonely weekend) I felt better after I got on the computer ( I had an e-mail though I was'nt completely alone...) What's weird is that about ten minutes ago I was fine, happy even.... now I'm just..... empty and wanting..... (sigh)

~Jaa mata